


altean meadows, quintessence tears

by FaultyParagon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Heathers References, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 00:57:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20480339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaultyParagon/pseuds/FaultyParagon
Summary: Lotor's body is slowly growing numb, but he doesn't need to hold her to know that her tears are his fault.Allura regrets more than she can ever say, but she can't deny her biggest regret- that she couldn't save him.-Set in S6E7, during their battle. Inspired by 'I Am Damaged' and 'Dead Girl Walking: Reprise' from Heathers: The Musical.





	1. Lotor

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a fic I wrote last year on my FF.net, based on _I Am Damaged_ from _Heathers: The Musical_.

altean meadows, quintessence tears

**I am damaged, far too damaged**

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

The realization strikes him far too late, his body wracked with pain as the Quintessence rushes through him. He can hear her voice through the communicator, speaking with her team, urging them onwards- he can hear them cheering for her, supporting her, as she channels the energy through Voltron, and into his own mech.

Into him.

Every part of his body is screaming, simultaneously feasting upon this unlimited, raw energy, and yet crumbling under the sheer weight of it all. Debris swirls around his screen- or maybe it's in his eyes, he can't even tell anymore- but the one thing he knows is that something is going wrong.

It hurts.

Suddenly, one startlingly clear message broadcasts through. His voice crumbles in his throat, coming out only as a strangled scream, hoarse and broken.

"But we can't just leave him!" Allura cries, but the others insist on their departure. The world is fading, and Voltron is leaving him behind. Allura is leaving him behind.

The visual comm screen flashes on as Voltron pauses, floating above him as his mech suit sinks further and further into Quintessence, static breaking through the picture of that beautiful face he has grown to love so dearly. She is the light of his world, the shining beacon who has solidified his hopes of finding the true alchemy forged by his Altean forebears. Even through the pain, he can still feel how soft, hesitant her lips were against his, her hands smooth and strong in his palms, how warm every look in her eyes had felt…

Her hair is mussed in her helmet, large, doe-like eyes filled with tears and bitterness and regret. She's still so beautiful.

**But you're not beyond repair**

In the haze of pain and power and energy, he blinks, feeling his manic smile ease, his anger wane, for just a moment.

Over the last few weeks, this woman in front of him has inspired him. For so long, he had dreamt of creating a new Altea, a world where his people would flourish in their intellect and magic, and where the sickening stench of the Galra Empire would never be found again. He had dreamt of sitting upon the throne of that new world, worshiped as their leader, songs sung of him for millennia to come.

And yet, in only a few weeks, Allura has managed to infiltrate that dream. Instead of one throne ruling in his fantasies, there were now two. Instead of standing before his people alone, she was by his side.

Somehow, she is all he has ever wanted.

Her team begs her to move, she begs them to stay. They cry than this is what corrupted his parents- that this place, this beautiful, _magical _place is what turned them into the monsters that haunt the universe. Her mouth is moving, but his ears begin to buzz, a tinny ringing blocking out the words. He doesn't need to hear them. He can see that she is screaming, guilt oozing from every pore.

**Stick around here, make things better/ 'Cause you beat me fair and square**

It dawns upon him that without him, no one is left to protect the remaining Alteans other than her. She is the only one who knows the secrets of their people. She must live on.

And yet, time seems to slow, and Voltron still watches his mech suit crackle with overflowing power. She continues to plead with her team, but they ignore her cries, trying to reason with her. He can see her face, grief-stricken, broken, torn. Somehow, it hurts more to see her suffering than the pain coursing through his own body.

He opens his mouth, trying to form words, trying to speak.

**Please stand back now- 'little further/ Don't know what this thing will do**

This place is a time bomb, and he understands it now. Was he a fool for trying to contain Quintessence itself? Was he nothing but an arrogant child, thinking he had conquered the secrets of the universe?

She said that he is just like his father. The thought still makes him tremble.

But his arms are weak, fingers losing the strength needed to grip the controls. Numbness has started spreading, overtaking the pain, the bitterness- the sour taste in his mouth, the bile swallowed down one too many times, rises back up without restraint, and he gags. He can't fight it anymore.

She is still watching him through the screen, and now, the tears stream down her face.

**Hope you'll miss me, wish you'd kiss me/ Then you'd know I worship you**

Her smile flashes into his mind, her joy, her excitement, her wonder- as they explored the secrets of their ancestors together, she had shared with him nothing but innocence and light and warmth and-

And now, she is crying.

_I did this to her._

Another scream is torn from his throat, but this time, it is anguish which wracks his body. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be _his. _But now, there is no way to save her, no way to protect the one person who has meant more to him in the last ten thousand years than anyone else in his entire lonely, lonely life. He had meant every touch, every glance, and their kiss had been nothing but true.

He had spent his entire life deceiving everyone else in the universe except for her, and that fact has become his downfall.

**I'll trade my life for yours**

Tears run down his face, matching up with hers and both of their expressions twist in agony. A dull thought flashes across his mind through the searing pain- she is just as broken as he is, and the urge to reach through the screen and embrace her takes over. But there is nothing he can do, and his ragdoll of a body no longer has strength to lift the mech up to touch her face.

**And once I disappear/ Clean up the mess down here**

He has played God for too long, and it is time he is brought down to the man he is.

**Our love is God**

She still sobs. Voltron leaves.

**Our love is God**

The screen blacks out.

**Our love is God**

Lotor closes his eyes, leans back, and lets the power rush through him. Whatever happens, happens. It stings to admit it, but he lost control of everything the moment he lost Allura.

**Our love is God...**

Beneath his eyelids, he can still see the meadows on the holodeck of the Castle of Lions. She had brought him there to look at the flowers, to bask in the beauty that was once Altea. His consciousness drifts away, and her smiling blue eyes match the holographic sky, and for a moment, it feels like she's still there- that everything is okay.


	2. Allura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Allura's take, originally posted as 'altean meadows, quintessence tears 2' on my FF.net.

**I wish your mom had been a little stronger/ I wish she stayed around a little longer**

He is beautiful.

It pains her more than anything, as she watches his face snap manically between power-hungry, sadistic smiles and screams of pain as the man she loved (_thought _she loved? No, _loved, loves still) _bares his fangs against Voltron again, and again, and again. And yet, there is still grace in his movements. The same beauty that had drawn her to him from the very beginning- that charisma, that charm, that intelligence, that nobility- still seeps out of him, only now singed with crackling white lightning and howls of agony.

She breathes, "How did it come to this?" as she works with her teammates, throwing her all into every evasive manoeuvre, every attack.

Maybe Honerva is the one to blame for this- for finding the field, for insisting that they use it… for allowing herself and Zarkon to become monsters, to lead their son to become the exact same way.

_He'll become the same way. _What else was he supposed to become?

**I wish your dad were good! I wish grown-ups understood!**

Zarkon's reign is truly the one thing that has ruined her life. Shivers run down her spine, even in the heat of the battle, as his glowing yellow eyes flash through her mind. Countless innocents have been lost at his hands, and even though he is dead, his influence still haunts the universe like a plague that cannot be contained. He has taken away her home, her father, her people…

And her love.

She grips the controls tighter, warm skin paling on clenched fists. Another wave of shame washes over her, thinking of how Lotor had just waltzed into her life. She had just let him in, let him win her over with his warmth and his dreams, his kindness and his unbridled curiosity. Without realizing it, she had jeopardized the safety, the _future, _of the entire universe by letting him near the lions! She had _believed _his innocence, his lust for life!

Every single time Lotor had spoken of Altea in front of her, his eyes had _shined. _He had been but a child, excitedly explaining to her every bit of knowledge he had uncovered, showing her trinkets and artifacts, rapt with breathless wonder as she added her own anecdotes and understanding. He had gripped her hand, squeezed, smiled so _sweetly-_

**I wish we'd met before they convinced you life is war!**

Lotor, in those moments, had been all she has ever wanted.

There is none of that sweetness in his eyes now.

In a way, she can't even blame him. If she had grown up in the middle of Galra Command, forced to suffer the scrutiny of all those around her because she was only half-Galran, forced to watch the countless crimes they committed daily, then maybe she would've snapped as well. Maybe she would've also thought that the only way out is fighting, bloodshed.

A wave of nausea surges over her, and she gags, almost vomiting in her lap. How could she even think that? How could she _justify _to herself the idea of _genocide? _For that is exactly what Lotor wants. All he wants is to murder and destroy, to use the knowledge of Altea to conquer the world and wipe out _everything._

Everything but her, and what remains of Altea, the people he so desperately wants to be a part of.

And yet, she cannot blame him. He is the product of Honerva and Zarkon. He is made of love that had become so twisted, so evil, that he doesn't know what the original form looks like anymore. If they had stayed by his side and shown him the beauty of life, of Altea- of _peace- _

**I wish you'd come with me—**

Lotor's mech suit stops moving. They've won.

"But we can't just leave him!" she cries, begging and panting and every part of her body both numb and in agony all at once. Her teammates try to calm her down, begging her to see reason.

She can't say no to them, she just can't. She knows it.

With trembling fingers, she opens up the visual comm screen one last time. His expression shifts from a terrifying monster, fueled with Quintessence and lost in his own madness, to the man who had whispered words of love to her only a few ticks before.

The tears rush forth, and she cannot stop them.

They leave him, and there's no going back. She cries. Lights dance in her eyes, in her mind, and for just a brief second, she can feel his warmth, his lips pressed against her forehead, and the shimmering of Quintessence around Voltron becomes the flurry of flower petals from the holodeck of the Castle of Lions.

She screams. _Full thrusters._

That day, when she had taken him to see the only link to her past, he had held her hand. He had called that meadow, _her _meadow, "home".

_ **-fin-** _

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
